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The Anonymous Mum

Do you ever feel like your anonymous? This is me right now. I feel anonymous. I feel like a vessel that just blends into the shoreline. Like a tree that has been in the woods for years and years that no one really notices. 

If I go back a couple of months ago I felt like I had an identiy. In fact, I had multiple identities. I was a wife and mother Ami, looking after a house, keeping everyone fed and healthy, making sure the fridge was stocked, doing enriching and educational things with Pickle like cooking and painting whilst still being chief cuddler and snuggling buddy. I was colleague Ami. I went to work, socialised with peers, helped customers and enjoyed my work. I was friend Ami, going out for drinks, replying to messages and arranging nights out. I was gym going Ami who loved Zumba and loosing weight. I was Am Dram Ami who was always looking for the next show or part. I had so many different threads to my bow but since having Smidge I feel like I have become anonymous. 

I sit all day snuggling my new baby or pumping milk or sterilising bottles or “resting” because my bleeding has started again or doing another load of washing. I feel like I’m stuck in a monotonous cycle and right now I just can’t get out. I love being a mummy and love my boys more than anything in the whole entire world but I miss being me. I miss going to the gym and seeing my friends and even doing the tiny things in life like having a bath. It’s like my life now revolves around what time I need to pump or when one or the children will need feeding. THIS IS NOT A “WOE IS ME” POST as I’m so grateful that I get to stay at home and raise my babies but sometimes it is hard. 

Being anonymous feels lonely and feels like your a bit invisible. You loose all sense of who you are. I feel like my body isn’t my own anymore, like I don’t recognise its new, saggy state and I can’t go and work out and make myself feel better as I need to give my body time to recover. I feel like my body has become a human mattress and milk machine for my squishy little baby. It’s no longer mine.  Everyone asks how the baby is and how he’s sleeping and feeding. They ask how Pickle is and how he is adapting to being a big brother. No one seems to stop and ask how I am. Maybe they are scared of the answer? Maybe I wouldn’t tell the truth anyway. Who knows? 

I know that, in time, I will get back to what I was and will find myself again. I also know that this is just a phase and soon it will seem like a distant memory but for now I’ll keep blending in. I’ll keep being the blur in the back of photos and I’ll keep being anonymous as I’m helping my boys find themselves and grow into who they will be. There will always be time for me to find myself again once they are grown. 


Lansinoh single electric breast pump | Review and GIVEAWAY! 

As you will know if you read my blog, we recently welcomed our second little man into the world and he has taken to life out side of the womb like a duck to water! I have been combi feeding Smidge and it would not have been possible without what I think is the best breast pump on the market! The Lansinoh single breast pump was sent to me a few weeks before Smidge was born and I was a little skeptical at first as I had never expressed before. I was worried if it would hurt or if it would take a long time or be uncomfortable? The answer to all of those is NO thanks to some of the amazing features of this pump.

My favorite feature of this pump that I have to mention (as it’s so clever) is the 2 phase technology and the “let down” button. The pump starts on “let down” mode which helps to stimulate and initiate milk flow and then the pump moves into “expression phase” which give a slower, deeper suction which maximises milk flow. This is such clever technology as it mimics the natural actions of a suckling baby. The pump also has 6 adjustable suction levels which makes the pump comfortable for all women.

The pump is super easy and fast to assemble (which is fab especially when you feel like your boobs might explode were you need to express!) and has a really comfy Comforfit soft silicon  breast cushion. This cushion seals close to the breast really well without leaving any marks or feeling uncomfortable.

I have been using this pump now for nearly 2 weeks and it really is so easy and comfortable to use. I can’t recommend it enough!!!! If you don’t believe me then why not enter my giveaway to win a Lansinoh Single Electric Breast pump so you can try it yourself. All you need to do is follow the instructions in the box below-

Terms and conditions

1. This giveaway is open to UK residents over 18 years of age. 

2. The winner will receive a Lansinoh Single Electric Breast pump which will be sent directly from a third party PR company. There is no cash alternative and Through Amis Eyes takes no responsibility for any item not received or damaged during transit. 

3. The closing date is 11:59 pm on 22nd July 2018

4. Entrants must log in and follow the directions given via the Rafflecopter widget. 

5. All entries will be verified

6. The winners will be chosen at random using Rafflecopter. 

7. The winners will be notified within 5 days of the closing date. The winner must respond within 7 days of receiving the email to claim their prize or another winner will be chosen. 

8. This giveaway is not affiliated with Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, YouTube or Instagram

Note - this pump was sent to me for the purpose of this review but all opinions are honest and my own. 


Family Holiday Essentials | Collaboration 

It’s the time of year when people are jetting off on their summer holidays and seeing everyone getting ready to fly off for some sunshine got me thinking about when we went away last year. Going to Majorca was our first sunshine family holiday and I found that there were a few things that I couldn’t have done without during our trip so I thought I’d share them! So here are my family holiday essentials:

1. A Trunki

We take a trunki with us whenever we go away as it is always a god send! A trunki is basically small suitcase for kids that they can sit on and ride or be pulled on. We love ours so much as it doubles up as a ride on for pickle if he gets tired, can be taken as hand luggage and it’s fab for pickle to have somewhere for all his bit that he will need on the plane. 

2. New toys 

Now when I saw this I don’t mean expensive things... I’m talking about £5 worth of stuff from the pound shop! Pack that in the hand luggage and I promise that they will keep the kids entertained. When we went away I got Pickle new stickers, colouring books, little surprise blind bags and he loved them all! 

3. Travel Insurance 

When we went to Majorca I unfortunately came down with tonsillitis and needed to see a doctor! Luckily I had travel insurance as otherwise I would have had to travel over 40 mins to get to a doctor so I could use the European medical card at. Having insurance meant I could head over to the doctors surgery across the road from the hotel safe in the knowledge that I was insured. 

4. An iPad full of kids shows 

I can’t stress how essential this is... not just for the plane journey but also for whilst you are away. Kids get so tired on holiday what with the sun and all the running around so sometimes it’s nice for them to be able to take half an hour in the shade watching a bit of telly on the iPad. Give you a bit of a break to do some sunbathing too! 

5. First aid kit 

This may seem like a strange one but trust me on it! When we went away Pickle fell over a couple of times where he was running around super excited and it was so much easier to be able to grab my kit out and get a plaster or some calpol without having to ask someone or trying to explain in a different language. It doesn’t take much to out a kit together so I’d definitely recommend packing one for your holiday this year. 

So there you have it! My essentials for family travel! Think I’ve missed anything off? Let me know in the comments :) 

Note - this is a sponsored post 


Squidges Birth Story  |  Blog 

Sitting here on 12th June 2018 snuggling my newborn and kissing his little head, it is hard to remember a time when he wasn’t here. It feels like his little squeaks and shouts for milk have always been in our lives but in reality it has been less than a week since he came tumbling into our lives AND he shouldn’t really be here yet when you consider that he wasn’t due until 5th July! Now we are home and settled a little so I thought I’d share with you what happened..

Thursday the 7th June, the day I turned 36 weeks pregnant and I wasn’t feeling too well. I was getting lots of tightenings and something didn’t feel right so I spoke to the maternity team who told me to keep an eye on things until eventually at about 5pm they suggested I headed in. They did a trace and baby seemed fine. I’d had no losses or constant pains so they thought it could have just been the very early start of labour so told me to go home and just see what happens. They were thinking it would be weeks until I was back but they were very wrong! 

I got home at about 7.15 and by 7.45 was sitting on the sofa having ordered a pizza and figured I’d try to forget about things and just let nature take it’s course. Suddenly I felt a leaking from down below. I jumped up and went into the bathroom where I looked down and saw red everywhere. My leggings were stained from ankle to hip and as I pulled them down there was a huge splash of more bright red water. I shouted for hubby and he was so unbelievably cool and calm. He ran to get me some more clothes and called for his brother to come round to watch Pickle (who thankfully was asleep upstairs) whilst I tried to clean myself up and called the hospital back. 20 mins and 3 maternity pads later we were at the hospital. 

We were sent straight to the delivery suite where a couple of doctors and midwives were waiting for us. Within minutes I was hooked up to machines and being scanned and having canulars put in. There was talk of blood banks and people coming in and out of the room in a hurry. It was terrifying but as soon as I heard the heartbeat on the trace I calmed down and just let the doctors do what they needed to do. Thankfully they couldn’t find anything that explained why I was bleeding. They could see that I didn’t have much water left but still couldn’t see where the bleeding was coming from so the plan was to monitor the situation as baby was happy and the bleeding had settled and see what happened. 

By about 10.30 I’d started to get some contractions. They weren’t too horrendous as they were only coming every 5 mins but by 2.30 they offered me some pain killers to help me sleep and I happily accepted. When I woke up at 4.30 I was a bit annoyed though as everything had stopped... no contractions but on the plus side, no bleeding. 

The consultant and his team were due to come round at about 8am on the Friday morning so hubby and I headed for a wander around the hospital to find some food and some bacon and beans later, we were back in our room waiting to see what the plan was. The wonderful consultant and his team said they were happy with the baby and that there was no more bleeding so I had 2 choices. Either I could wait another 24 hours and see if labour started up again or I could go on the oxcitcin drip to kick start things up again. Hubby and I spoke and I said I wanted to go on the drip as the last thing I wanted was to wait for 24 hours and then for baby to get stressed or for the bleeding to start again. By 10.30 I was hooked up, bouncing away on the ball and getting contractions again. It stayed like this until about midday when our lovely midwife Alex checked me and said I was 2 cms dilated. I was devestated at this point as I felt like I should have been further on but hubby, Alex and my mum (who was with us as well) were so supportive and reassured me that progress was still progress. Come 4pm I couldn’t deal with the pain any longer. The contractions were coming every 3 mins for about 1 min and I was just exhausted. I asked for an epidural and after discussing the pros and cons with hubby, I went ahead with a mild epidural. For about an hour it was blissful. I dozed in and out of sleep and life was good. That was until about 5.30 when it started to wear off... 

I was getting the most horrendous pain through my hip and no matter how much I pushed the button to increase the epidural it just didn’t make a difference! In the end at about 6.30 Alex checked my progress. Hubby and my mum made bets and said I’d be 8/9 cms, Alex thought I’d be about 9 and a half were as the negative nelly over here was adamant I’d only be 4 cms and I’d be going down for a csection! Alex won the bet as I was ready to go! She started getting things prepped and moving things out the way whilst I was on the bed using gas and air to get through the horrendous contractions I was facing. I remember that I just couldn’t open my eyes... I have no clue why but at one point a midwife who we’d seen earlier in the day came in and I said “hello... I can’t open my eyes but I heard you come in.. hi!”. Eventually at 7pm it was time to start pushing. I had hubby on one side of me and my mum on the other and after 9 mins of pushing our littlest man came into the world.

08/06/2018 6lbs 11oz 

It was the most magical moment. Hubby and my mum were crying, I was crying and Squidge was put straight on my chest and left there for what felt like hours. It was blissful and I just couldn’t believe how much he looked like his brother. He was tiny but perfect and I instantly fell in love. 

After the birth was a little scary as I had a big bleed and lost over a litre of blood but thanks to the amazing men and women of the NHS it all worked out fine and baby and I were fine. I don’t want to dwell on that part as it wasn’t particularly nice but what I will say is that the NHS staff are just amazing and I am so grateful to what they did for me that night.

So there we have it... my planned birth went to pot but I had the most wonderful experience given the circumstances. Baby is perfect, I am well and recovering and life is good. 

Smidge, you may have shocked us with your early arrival but you have completed our family and we couldn’t be happier or more in love. 

That’s all for now...I’m going back to squishy new born snuggles and series binges on Netflix.