''When is the next one?'
Well...do you know what? I don't want another baby!
Well, at least I don't think that I want another... I know that I defiantly don't want one at the moment. Does that make me a bad person? Should I feel bad for feeling like this?
I love being a Mum. I feel like being a mum was the thing I was born to do and I love our little boy more than I ever thought I could ever love anything but I just don't have this deep set urge to have another baby like some people do. My mother in law said the other day that she regrets not having more children...I don't think I would ever feel like that.
This isn't because bubba is hard work. In fact it's quite the opposite. I don't want to have to share myself and I want to be able to give bubba my everything. I love being able to spend time with him one on one and being able to give him my full attention. If he had a sibling then I would be being pulled 2 ways and having to share myself. Also, if we wanted to have another baby we would either need to move (which I don't want to do as I love where we live so much!) or find the money to convert one room into 2. I also struggled with pregnancy. I didn't enjoy it and didn't blossom like some women do. I was sick, swelled up, got carpel tunnel, had SPD...it wasn't a fun time really. The only thing that has ever made me think about having another baby is so that Bubba isn't an only child and has someone there for him when we are gone but that, to me, isn't a good enough reason to have another baby.
What really gets on my nerves though is the way the people just assume that because we have one baby and we are in our 20's that we must be thinking about having more. I went to the doctors the other day to hand in a wee sample to do with a bladder infection and the receptionist (who didn't know why I was there) asked me if I had a form because anything to do with pregnancy need to have a form with?!?!?!? I
The pressure to have more than one child is ridiculous and it seems that if you only have the one child then there must be a problem...either your child is hard work or you are selfish and didn't want kids in the first place or you just damn straight hate children. It's a joke really. I love my son more than anything else in this world. He completes me and brings joy into my life like I never thought I could experience. Why can't that be enough?? Why do I have to have anymore???
I asked a few of my fellow bloggers who are parents of just the one child why they want to keep it that way and I loved the responses. The reasons were all so varied and it made me feel so much less alone in my feelings of one and done! Tracey from One Frazzled Mum pretty much hit the nail on the head when she told me:
' I have a 10 year old daughter. I always said I only ever wanted the one and so did her dad. We're not together now but neither of us want another child. I didn't really enjoy being pregnant so that just made my mind up more on not wanting anymore. I think people have finally accepted this as they've stopped asking me if I'm having anymore finally. It's a hard thing for people to accept you just having the child but for me it was the right decision and I'm happy with that. My daughter has lots of cousins and sees them regularly. She has a really good close relationship with them so in a way they act like her surrogate sisters and brother.'
Lyndsey from Me, Him, The dog and a Baby had an awful pregnancy and birth so I can completely understand her feelings:
''I had a terrible pregnancy and even worse birth, resulting in infection, sepsis and e-coli from an emergency section. The whole thing has terrified both me and my husband so much that we've said never again.
People are always asking when we're having more and saying that each birth is different. That doesn't necessarily mean better and we'd rather not risk it.''
I loved Sarah's comment of:
''My husband doesn't want anymore because our son is really hard work, and never slept. I did, but having looked after two yesterday I've changed my mind as well! :) ''
Sarah blogs over at Mumzilla...make sure you check her out.
Lastly I heard from Kayleigh from Little B & Me (who is a serious babe!! I don't know how she can always look so damn amazing whilst running around after a toddler but she does!!) who had a horrible experience when she was pregnant but now wouldn't change her little man for the world:
''I never actually wanted children, I was so set against it but my feelings changed & I got pregnant. Sadly later stages of pregnancy were filled with anxiety, panic, depression & stress. I couldn't do it to myself or my family ever again.I ended up with no skin on my hands, I barely ate & I'd cry myself to sleep if I thought I'd done anything to harm my son.
I am entirely happy now to stay at one child. Oh and of course my son is an absolute nutter so one is definitely enough''
So do you know what? From now on I'm not going to worry about those who judge me for just wanting the one and who knows...maybe I will end up having another one at some point but right now I am happy and don't want any more children so why should I just to fit in to what is expected of me! To all those who keep asking that damn question ''whens the next one??'' how about you worry about your womb... NOT MINE!!
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