7.8.17

Just because you breastfeed doesn't make you better than me! | Blog

All my news feed on Facebook seems to be about at the moment is breastfeeding.

'It's national breastfeeding week'

' Support world breastfeeding week' 

'Rude comments about breastfeeding mothers need to stop now!'

'Breastfeeding mothers have an ally in the Pope' 

All of them are really headlines I have just seen on my Facebook page (even the pope one) and do you know what? They all really piss me off!!




Yes breastfeeding is beautiful and natural and women should be allowed to do it whenever and wherever and for how ever long they choose to BUT what I don't agree with is the way that they are seen as superior as anyone who doesn't breastfeed.

If there is a nation breastfeeding week why is there not a nation bottle feeding week or a peg feeing week or a tube feeding week??? I know breastfeeding can be hard but surly mothers who breastfeed are doing what nature intending? They are doing one of the most natural things in the world. We don't celebrate having a period or having sex? They are totally natural things but we don't have a national week to celebrate them do we?

Now, this is not me slamming breastfeeding mothers in any way, shape or form. One of my best friends is breastfeeding her baby at the moment and I think it is amazing and wonderful. I even taught Pickle about it the other day when my friend was feeing her baby under a modesty blanket thingy and he was asking why the baby was hiding. I fully support women who want to breastfeed. I just don't understand why the media celebrate breastfeeding so much. It makes us other mums who haven't fed their baby that way feel like shit.


I didn't breastfeed pickle. I tired for a couple of hours after he was born but he was poorly and had to be taken to NICU so I didn't try anymore. When he came back to me he was so hungry that I just wanted to feed him, I didn't care that it wasn't from my breast at that point. All I wanted was to fill his little tummy. As was poorly, breastfeeding went straight to the back of my mind. All I wanted was for my baby to be okay. We started to bottle feed and I don't regret it at all! It meant that we could help him get better by monitoring how much milk he was having and then when we went home hubby was able to help with the night feeds. As pickle got older it meant hubby and I could go on date nights and attend things like funerals as other people were able to feed pickle. I still feel as bonded to pickle as my friends are with their breastfed babes and he is no different to those babies health wise either.

I am proud of my decision to bottle feed pickle. Hubby, my family and my friends all supported me when he was born. Everyone else around me though, made me feel like shit. Health visitors questioned why I didn't do it. Doctors in the hospital made me feel like I was neglecting my child by not trying. The media excluded me from joining in with any Facebook posts all about feeding my beautiful baby as it was a 'Brelfie' so only people who were breastfeeding could join in. I felt so unsupported by all the professional around me. They had a special breastfeeding support clinic at my local children's centre that gave support to women who were breastfeeding. Where was my bottle feeding support group that I could turn to when pickle has reflux and when I couldn't find a bottle that would work for him?? Where was my Facebook thread celebrating babies drinking from a bottle? It felt like breastfeeding Mamas were some kind of mother god and I was a lowly scumbag for using a bottle for my baby.

Just because I didn't breastfeed my baby I was made to feel like I was less of a mother and I was not! I still needed support and guidance and I still wanted to celebrate feeding my wonderful baby and
seeing him grow but as I didn't feed him the way that society seems best...no one cared.

So...to all the mothers out there who can't breastfeed or who don't want to...that is okay. You are an amazing mother no matter what way you choose to feed you child and you are no better or worse than those who breastfeed. The media and health professionals will make you feel that you are the WORST mother for not doing it but let it go over your head! A fed baby is a happy baby and that is what is important...that your baby is health and happy...not whether you have fed them through your breast or not.



16 comments:

  1. I bottle fed all three of my children and I feel exactly the same. I am not knocking breastfeeding at all, hats of to those who do it but for me personally I just didn't want too. I have seen posts from pro-breastfeeders making out people who bottle feed are uneducated or don't have support etc and I find it a bit insulting like they think they are better than us who bootlefed etc. I am truly in the #fedisbest camp and think whatever makes mum and baby happy is the best. X

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  2. I breastfed both my babies. I don't think any of the bf mums I know think they are better than a bottle feeding mum. My first born was a NICU baby and I expressed like crazy whilst he was nil by mouth. This doesn't make me 'better' just saying it is do-able. I do believe "fed is best" however I do think with medical research proving if successful, bf has more health benefits I think everyone should try... If trying is unsuccessful. Bottle feeding is a fab alternative x

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  3. I am sorry to hear people were so mean to you. I am a firm believer in you should have the choice to look after your baby/child however you see fit and noone should condemn you for that!! x

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  4. Don't let people make you feel shit. I've bottle fed and breast fed - bottom line no-one can tell which method applies to which child unless I tell them. I was bottle fed and I've done pretty damn good in my life - my Mum did what she thought was best for me and I thank her for that.

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  5. Why do some people pretend to know better than any mums out there? Why are they judging? Don`t they have anything else to do? Everyone choose how to live and look after their child. Kisses Ami and be strong ^_^

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  6. I'm sorry you've felt judged. Believe me, breastfeeding mums feel judged too. Society in general doesn't really seem breastfeeding best at all. There is lots of stigma attached to it. People who try to breastfeed for any length of time usually come under pressure to stop from friends, family and / or health professionals. Although it is 'natural' it is something people have to learn, more like swimming or walking than having periods. Plenty of women struggle and go through a lot trying to do it with little or no support and even the medical professions are generally quite ignorant and unsupportive about it. There are a lot of myths and negative judgements in circulation about breastfeeding that need challenging. Also, very few people actually do it for any length of time in this country. You are in the majority by a huge amount. Despite all this breastfeeding is generally much better for babies than bottle feeding, so these reasons amongst others are why it is promoted and celebrated. Of course there are times when it's not possible or desirable and of course people shouldn't be judged or seen as inferior for bottle feeding their kids. Most breastfeeding mums are not going around feeling superior and marvellous and looking down their noses at others. They are feeling shit and judged too. They are worrying about their kids too. And whenever they feed their kids they are worrying that someone is going to ask them to cover up or go and sit in a toilet or give up breastfeeding altogether (it happens a lot, trust me). It is not the norm at all. You are treated like a freak. The culturally accepted norm is to bottle feed and that is what the vast majority do. No feeding method will spare a mum the guilt, self-doubt, shaming and interference. We just have to try to ignore it and get on with doing our best to be the parents we want to be, and to support each other to do the same x

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  7. This is such a great post. I chose to bottlefed knowing that I was going back to work when he was 5 months it seemed a more sensible approach. I did intend to express for at least 2 months but my wonderful midwife talked me out of it. She said that she thought it would put too much pressure on me and you know what? She's right, I was only going to do it because that's 'what you're supposed to do' not because I had some urge to do so. My son and I have a wonderful bond still and I don't feel he missed anything so I don't feel at all shitty about this decision. I am, sick of breast feeders suggesting we are 'uneducated' and 'ignorant' and quite honestly sick of seeing the word breastfeeding at all now. Just feed your baby how you like and stop ramming it down everyone's throats (no pun intended) we are all doing a good job.

    This is a great post Ami, thanks for being brace enough to publish it xxx

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  8. I do think too many people are made to feel bad for not breastfeeding but it isn't suitable for all situations and all people x

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  9. I breast fed both of my boys but I didn't breast feed them very long. My first one was only breastfed for 2 1/2 months and I got judged for stopping when the recommended time was at least 6 months. My baby was constantly hungry though and I was exhausted and my nipples were so sore I could barely even touch them without pain. My second son I only nursed for a month because it was discovered that he was lactose intolerant. It hurt that my milk was hurting my baby but I wanted him to be healthy so his pediatrician gave me a specific formula to try and that was that. I was judged the first time around but not so judged the second time around. I had more support regardless of my decision but at no time with either child did I ever think that I was superior to my sister, who bottle fed her baby for some very personal reasons that I won't get into. We moms are all constantly judged, no matter what we do. My sister was able to give vaginal birth but I was not and even now that my boys are 15 and 10 I still get random people who try to make me feel like less of a mother/woman because I had c-sections. I just read another post about judgement against single mothers. I am a single mom and you know what? I don't care what anyone else thinks. All of this: breast vs bottle, vaginal birth vs c-section, single parenting vs married parenting - It's all hogwash. No one else is walking in your shoes. No one else is responsible for your choices. They don't live your life so whether they judge you or not it's all irrelevant because they don't have your soul and your mind. I don't care what others think about my choices because at the end of the day my boys are so much happier than I was as a kid and they are healthy. They are loved beyond measure and have the best support system from both family and their schools. At the end of the day your happiness and your children's happiness is what matters. People who judge you for these things are the inferior ones. Remember, that speaks of their character, not yours.

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  10. I have been seeing the breast feeding posts all over social media. it has been a little too much, to be honest.

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  11. I agree everyone should do what they feel right at the time and that works for them and the baby you have so.much else going on when you have a new baby you need to do what's right for you at the time and in the long run I don't believe either way is less stressful or better etc.
    I agree as a breastfeeding mother they do have too much in the media and a lot of it is not good information anyway.

    However I would like to say I have had a lot of negative experiences as a breast feeding mother too, people getting upset when I have to feed, people expecting me to sit in my car, HV telling me to stop and having to quit my job as my work didn't understand when I needed to express or that my child then refused the bottle so had to go without milk the whole time I was at work.
    I have also sat in numerous baby groups or at baby events and being completely left out of conversations because people were to embarrassed to speak to me whilst I was feeding ( even though I was covered up and no flesh showing).

    To be completing honest I'm just sick of people having opinions and not supporting each other. Being a parent is hard and we need to be around to help each other instead of everything being a competition.
    We are always going to be sensitive when it comes to our children and feel guilty about what we do etc.
    So instead of us being negative about stuff I saw well done you have grown a baby that's happy and loves you so high five for that.

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  12. Exactly what jj says.. I've breastfed and am still feeding my 3 Rd baby and I don't think I'm any better than anyone, I get that people are made to feel bad etc for bottle feeding but I can assure you the majority of breastfeeding mothers I know just want to celebrate and be proud of a huge achievement not slate anyone for their choices.. People seem upset when are given scientific, factual based evidence that breastfeeding is generally the healthier choice.. But this doesn't mean formula is no good.. I get annoyed that I have to keep my breastfeeding achievements quiet so I don't upset bottle feeding mums??? Makes no sense.. If people rave about weight loss are they shaming overweight people no!! If people run marathons or any other sporting challenge are they shaming people who do not run or are not fit.. No.. So everyone should be free to celebrate what they have achieved, breastfeeding for most is extremely challenging and alot of health care professionals know little about the subject unlike bottle feeding which is commonly practised and more information available, breastfeeding mums face way more prejudice than formula feeding mums.

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  13. Breast feeding mums have had to be mega committed, dedicated, hard working and less selfish to become successful. That should be allowed to be celebrated. How about put the hard work in and THEN tell me it's not a big deal. This article is absolute bull**** you are trying to degrade because you feel bitter/ jealous/ guilty. So do you know what that is.. YOUR PROBLEM. Nobody else's LOL. Pretty sad that you as an ADULT that has created life that you will teach can't deal with your own issues and insecurities without passing that on to breastfeeding mums that worked hard to feed their child the BEST option. Breastmilk is better than formula. Fact. You cant argue with science! PS.. little tip: learn to spell if you are going to become a blogger

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    1. And its people like you who are the reason she wrote this in the first place. Get off your high horse, stop geing condescending and actually understand the point of this article. Idiot.

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    2. Jealousy is an ugly trait. You don't breastfeed then so what but don't write blogs to justify the guilt you feel for giving your child the less nutritional method of feeding. No amount of blogging will ever make formula AS good. Soz bout that

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  14. National breastfeeding week is celebrated because breastfeeding mothers are massively in the minority (only 1% of babies are EBF to 6 months in the uk.)

    The more we talk about breastfeeding and the more we "normalise" it, the easier it will be for mothers to have access to breastfeeding support (if they want it)

    I can totally understand your point about "why are we celebrating something natural"

    But the proof is in the breastfeeding rates. If natural meant easy then 100% of babies would be breastfed.


    Breastfeeding is something that has to be learned, and needs support. The point of national breastfeeding week isn't to guilt trip non breastfeeding mothers, (the guilt is on you! -honestly, you don't breastfeed? So what! If formula works better for you then good for you, but own that decision! Don't think that breastfeeding mum's are looking down on you, the only thing we're looking down on is our baby as we try and get a pain free latch)

    But no it shouldn't be changed to "infant feeding week" most babies are fed, that a given, but just a tiny minority are breastfed, and the hope is that NBFW will encourage, support and inspire more mothers to breastfeed.

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