16.8.17

My sons husband or wife? | Blog

Recently I was chatting away about goodness knows what when I started to talk about pickle getting older and I said:

'...when he's married and he has a husband or wife...'

It just flowed off my tongue and I didn't give it a second thought. It felt natural to say that my son could either have a wife or a husband. In my eyes, as long as he is happy and with someone who treats him well then why should I be bothered if that person is a man, woman, transgender or a bloody 10 foot tall alien...it would not bother me one bit. Well the alien might but I am sure I would adjust eventually :)



My feelings on this were clear cut to me and I have no doubt in my mind that I will support pickle in whomever he chooses to spend his life with when he is older. It wouldn't feel right for me to assume that pickle would marry a woman. Why should I assume that? He is 3 years old and has no concept of this kind of thing yet so who am I to assign him to a stereotype that he will marry a woman. I'd like to think that by me finding it natural to not assume that he is straight, it would mean that if he ever actually felt that he was homosexual or bi or whatever he would be able to tell me as I would like to think he would know I would accept him. To me, I wouldn't care if pickle wanted to marry a man or woman, if he wanted to marry a transsexual or even if he wanted to change gender himself. In my mind, as long as he is happy and safe I couldn't give a damn.

I then started to wonder if it was just me that shared this opinion when it came to their children. I have grown up around homosexual people. My cousin is lesbian, I have numerous gay friends that I have spent a lot of time with over the years so it has always felt normal to me. I asked Hubby if he would be bothered and his instant reaction to me was the same as mine which felt reassuring to know we were both on the same page. Then I started to question if it was my generation that has caused me to be accepting. I am a white, 28 year old atheist so for the majority of my life being gay in my community (as a white atheist in my local area) has been acceptable. I know that sadly it isn't as easy for others in different communities and even for some that are my age etc but growing up and in my world, being gay was and is accepted and okay. Even now as the LGBT community expands into LGBTQIA (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, queer, intersex, asexual) I feel that the people I have in my life, and that would be in Pickles life as he grows up, are accepting and open and would support anyone in whatever they wanted to be and do.


I thought that maybe it was a generation thing. My generation and the ones after seem to have been the real spear heads for change and equality for the LGBTQIA movement. In my life time gay marriage has been legalised in this country and in may states across the U.S. Gay men and women have been given more rights when it comes to adoption and work, all of which I agree is right. Maybe I am so unassuming of Pickles sexual orientation because of the generation I am from?

I asked a few people on across my social media for there opinions and I'm pleased to say that out of the 205 people that responded to me only 4 of them said that they would have a problem. Unfortunately, but not unsurprisingly, none of those of disagreed were willing to share their reasoning for this but I was able to get a huge amount of comments from those who said that it wouldn't matter to them at all if their son had a husband rather than a wife.

' We've got three boys, so we figure there's a good chance one of them end up with a husband rather than a wife. Do I care? No? As long as they're happy and whoever they decide to marry, whatever their sex treats them right (and vice versa) we would be happy. Love is love, whatever sex.'
Rachel from CoffeeCakeKids

' It, of course, wouldn't make any difference to me. However, because my son has two Dads I worry that other people will be judgemental and essentially blame his sexuality on us. I would dread the "you made him gay" '
Kaiden from A Suffolk Dad

'If my son is lucky enough to fall in love and be happy then I have absolutely no issue if that's with a male. Love is love to me, regardless of gender.'
Amy from All Things Amy

'Wouldn't bother me one bit! My sister has a wife and they're currently expecting their first baby.. it makes no difference :) '
Emily from Emily and Indiana

'Whoever my son wants to marry has to respect cherish and love him. Their gender just doesn't come into it. In fact when we speak to molly (Rupert is a bit young for this conversation) I always say "when you decide you'd like a boyfriend or girlfriend..." I just want them to bring their partner home and be like "meet this human that makes me insides fluttery and my heart happy"'
Stacie on Facebook

'As long as they were happy and comfortable with themselves that's fine. It's important that my children are happy and confident humans. I'm not saying I wouldn't be a little disappointed but that would be out of fear of them being judged, bullied, ostracised. I think there would also selfishly be the deflation of not potentially having grandchildren. Having said that, they may be heterosexual and not want kids. Just because I always wanted them it doesn't mean my children will. I want them to live their lives (however many I have) as they choose to live them. I'm very understanding and love my daughter so I would feel the same if it was her taking a wife. I worry about potential attitudes of others because not everyone is as accepting. The fact that certain factions of society can't let people be is a constant concern, not just sexuality based but on lots of different issues'
Bev on Facebook

I wish I could show you all of the lovely comments and opinions people had but this post would be ridiculously long if I did and the response was overwhelming but I was so please to see that people had the same mind set as me. It wouldn't matter if their son (or daughter) married someone of the same sex...as long as they were safe, well cared for, happy and in love then they would be happy.

So what do you think? Would you have an issue? Let me know in the comments.






20 comments:

  1. I have told our children that all I want them to be in life is happy, I will support them and love them regardless.

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  2. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if my son wanted to marry a man. I have a nephew who is very torn over his sexuality and I think part of it comes down to my dad. Although my dad says it wouldn't bother him I think his grandson might feel it would disappoint him somehow if he says he's gay. The whole family are waiting for him to just say "I'm gay". Until then we'll just continue to support him as best we can x

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  3. I think it's difficult enough in this day and age to find someone who loves you and treats you well, so if you're one of the lucky ones who finds that perfect person it shouldn't matter what gender, age, height, size, hair colour, number of fingers, etc they are/have. How amazing just to have love.

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  4. I just wish everyone had this view! I just want my kids to be happy :) xx

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  5. This is such an interesting post and I'm so pleased that the majority of people you asked have agreed with your viewpoint. I have always said if my children are happy, then I'm happy. Love is love. It is rare, pure and I hope my children find it, regardless of who that is with.

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  6. I think that in this day and age it's important to be open minded...I am totally of the mind that either or could be a feasibility and the most important thing is their happiness not their sexuality. Food for thought though!

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  7. You're 28? That makes you a millenial. I'm a gen-xer. While most of my generation accepts homosexuals, I think there is a difference in how we are raised but also in the individual too. My whole family were racists and bigots and I couldn't get away from them fast enough. I know what it's like to be constantly exposed to that kind of hate. I'm really glad you didn't experience that growing up. Here's the kicker though. My youngest had two little girlfriends when he was 3 years old. You know how that is. They aren't girlfriends as they are just friends who have very similar personalities but they all went through this phase of calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. It's actually pretty normal for the age. Anyway, the two girls were African-American. My mom got really upset about it and said she'd rather see them with a same sex partner than with someone of another race. Like really? They're 3! She did the same to me when I like an African-American boy when I was 5. That's her generation I think. Racism is so deeply rooted in my family that when she said that I actually threatened to cut all ties because NO ONE is going to make my children feel like they are less then because of who they fall in love with. It did lead to a conversation between my ex-husband and I and we both agree that it doesn't matter the color, religion, sexual orientation, or nationality. As long as that person makes my boys happy I don't care who they are. If they love my boys as much as I do (that's hard to imagine but its what I want for them) then I am going to love that person to the moon and back:) This is a great conversation to have and I hope we keep having it, especially now in the wake of white supremacists and KKK out in full force with their rallies and protests against pretty much everyone. So let's keep talking about it:)

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  8. It's good to read that most people agreed with your thoughts on this, as I definitely do. Love is love.

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  9. As long as my children are happy I don't care who they end up with. I'd hate for them to pigeonhole themselves into a marriage that wasn't right for them just to make others happy

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  10. Such a lovely post, I actually commented on your thread about this. I truly believe so long as my girls are happy, I don't care about the gender of their partner. x

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  11. I wouldn't have a problem either and I hope that our generation (though I'm a couple of years older) and our attitude will help make the world a more open and accepting place.

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  12. It wouldn't bother me either way if my son or daughter ended up gay etc, as long as they are happy and have someone who loves them then I'm happy.

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  13. So long as people are happy, it shouldn't matter who they are with, what sexuality they have, what gender they have. We cannot control another person's life xo

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  14. I think it's nice that in this day and age we feel this way as parents. I think older generations were hurt as if your child was homosexual they instantly grieved for the loss of nuptials and grandchildren but in this day and age everyone has rights to that kind of life so that just isn't the case. I never knew how I'd feel about having a child that was gay but now I have a baby his happiness is so important I just wouldn't care. I hope I am the type of parent he feels comfortable to be himself with xxx

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  15. As you said, as long as they are happy, it's the most important. To me it would not matter and I am sure our society tends to accept it more and more. Well, I hope!

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  16. I am so glad everyone agrees with you! As long as my children are happy and not causing any harm to anyone or breaking laws I don't care what they do :)

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  17. Completely agree, I don't care who my children fall in love with as long as they make them happy and the relationship is positive. Happiness is so important

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  18. I don't think anyone's sexuality bothers me, and it certainly wouldn't matter to me who my children chose as a partner, as long as they were in a happy and healthy relationship. I might even be open to an alien union

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  19. I think it's all about if the person they choose makes them happy that's the important part. Yes many would not accept it in some communities but I think if the important people in a persons life do then all is ok

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  20. I am so happy you wrote this. It makes me happy when parents are accepting of their childrens sexuality and as an advocate for the LGBTQ community I would not care if my future child married anyone regardless of gender. After all love is love! x

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