26.9.17

Tears, croup and mummy guilt  |  Blog

This morning was horrendous. There is no other way to describe it and I couldn’t not write about it as it feels like it’s pressing down on me so much. I am 100 % sure that I’m not the only one that has been through this so I’m also helping it might help me feel a bit better if I find that I’m not on my own.

So... a few things you should know first (if you don’t already). Firstly, I am a part time working Mummy. I work 3 days a week at a (practically) 9-5 job and I love it. I love the people I work with and the work I do and I seriously HATE calling in sick. I work in a job where every “body” counts and I know first hand the impact it has when someone isn’t it...it’s not good. Secondly, Pickle has always been prone to croup. He had it for the first time when he was just over a year old and he ended up in hospital with it. He’s then had it a couple of times since then and it’s always been pretty nasty and knocks him for six. I reackon you can see where this post is heading...


On Saturday night Pickle started to cough like a seal and we knew what was coming. That night his temperature peaked at 40.2 and hubby and I ended up tag teaming sleeping with Pickle that night as we were so worried. The next day we took him to the out of hours GP who confirmed what we already knew and prescribed Pickle 3 days of steroids to help open his airways. The past couple of days he hasn’t really changed. Hubby stayed with him yesterday and I was really hoping he’d be better by today as I was REALLY needed it work and hubby was going away for work for 2 days...of course, Pickle had an awful night last night and woke up this morning in the same croupey, snotty, snuggly mess he’d been in for the past few days. I was then faced with a bitch of a situation.



I had two options...

1. Go to work, send Pickle to my Mums where he would have to walk to school, be with other children and would have to generally get on with it.

2. Not go to work and keep Pickle at home. I’d be leaving my colleagues in the poop, they wouldn’t be able to have a proper lunch break and I’d feel awful for dropping them in it.
For some I know this is an easy decision. They’d stay at home but it wasn’t that easy for me. I didn’t know if maybe Pickle would perk up once he was with his friends... would he be okay? I knew that work wouldn’t be okay. Yes they may eventually find someone to help but I was literally leaving them up the creak without a paddle. Then it happened... Pickle threw up and then started to cry...
“Need mummy cuddle... I need mummy...belly hurt...mummy cuddle me”

The tears then came. Not just from Pickle but from me! I burst into tears. How could I leave my poorly baby when all he wants is me to feel better? I couldn’t do it so I had to bite the bullet and call work. They were lovely and supportive as they always are but I still felt awful for dropping them in it but I knew I had no choice. I had to stay with Pickle. It wouldn’t be fair for me to send him to my mums. It wouldn’t be fair on him, her or the other children she looks after.

After a bit of a sobbing session from me whilst snuggling Pickle I’ve pulled on my big girl pants and have got on with it now. Ultimately it is what it is and I know I’ve done the right thing but bloody Nora it was hard. Working Mum guilt (and croup) is a bitch!!!!!!!

24 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear you've been struggling at the moment - it sounds like you're handling it well, and I hope Pickle's feeling better soon!

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  2. Oh no poor Pickle :( I really hope that he feels better soon. Don't feel guilty you did what you thought was the best decision and it must be really hard sometimes having to choose between work and home x

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  3. I feel you. I used to feel so bad about calling into work when the kids were sick. Now I just have to work with a poorly baby on my lap balancing my laptop. Not ideal either!

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  4. It is tough being a working mum. I work full time and usually send little man to school even when he is not feeling very well!

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  5. Ahh I'm sorry you are struggling, mummy guilt is the absolute worst!! Its so hard when they are poorly, much love. xx

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  6. No kids here but feel for you and Pickles,the croup is a mean SOB once it sinks in you......

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  7. Oh I know that guilt so well! I was working 3 days a week before my second maternity leave (which I'm still on) and I know how much taking an unplanned day out can impact on your work and the rest of the team! Sucks.

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  8. That's horrible to hear that he's been unwell but I'm sure work know you would only phone in sick if it was a real emergency x

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  9. Oh no poor pickle and poor you! It must be hard juggling with what to do in that situation.

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  10. So sad to hear that he's been unwell but it's great to know that your work will be very supportive if an unfortunate incident like this occurs. Try not to feel bad about it - these things happen and it's hard to juggle everything in life!

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  11. Croup is so awful, I feel sad for your little one its so hard when they cough so much they can't breathe, my youngest had to go to hospital once with croup :( I really don't like it, but don't ever feel guilty your doing your best in a difficult situation x

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  12. It must be so difficult to juggle work and parenting but it sounds like you're doing your best :) Pickle is lucky to have such a caring mum!

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  13. Aww I am so sorry to hear you have been having a hard time of late, sometimes it is so awful trying to know what to do for the best.

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  14. I am glad you have understanding colleagues but regardless your child's health should come before all else but I can understand not waiting to leave your colleagues stranded

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  15. I'm glad to hear your colleagues were supportive. Family always has to come first, and I do believe the law is on this side too - you're allowed, legally, to take parental leave for situations like this.

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  16. This is my biggest fear when I go back to work. I don't know how I'll manage. I hope pickle is better now x

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  17. It's so tough when your little one is poorly, the 'mum guilt' is awful but natural. Hope Pickle feels better soon x

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  18. awww poor pickly hope pixkle is better soon , you should not feel guilty , they all get poorly sometimes hun x

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  19. I hope Pickle feels better now. It's really hard to be in that situation, but I'm sure your colleagues will understand the urgency of your absence.

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  20. Its a toughie - Sometimes you just need to go with your gut instinct. Very few parenting decisions ever feel 100% right but sometimes you just have to go with it. Hope little Pickle is feeling much better x

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  21. It's so hard! Miss J suffered horrendously with croup so often that I just couldn't be there for her through her recovery - I would've had to give up work! Sometimes whatever you do you feel like you're letting someone down - it's the biggest struggle I have with being a working parent! I just try not to second guess myself too much in those situations - after all, we're doing our best. I hope Pickle is feeling better x.

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  22. Oh no, poor boy. I hope he’s feeling better! Mum guilt is the worst!

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  23. Awwww I'm sorry you had to make such a difficult decision! I hope Pickle feels better soon.

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  24. Ahh it's that whole 'are they going to be fine once they're there' scenario isn't it? And they usually are, but it's a tough one as you feel so guilty when you get that phone call from the school don't you? We've all been there, I had this all the time with my eldest. Luckily I work from home now so it'll be a lot easier for me with the littlest :)

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