25.4.19

Feeling Overwhelmed  |  Blog

Do you ever get so overwhelmed that you don’t know how to fix it? For me, feeling overwhelmed is not just a case of being too busy and feeling a bit stressed. It’s worrying, it’s palpitations, it’s questioning myself and it’s feeling rubbish about myself. For the past few weeks I’ve been feeling more and more overwhelmed and it’s a feeling that only seems to be getting worse and I don’t like it. I feel like I’m spinning so many plates and trying to juggle so much but it’s all starting to fall and tumble around me. I put so much pressure on myself but I don’t know how NOT to. There is so much I want to do and so much I want to be and I’m trying my hardest to be and do everything but it’s just not working.

Being a mother has been hard recently. Pickle is as good as gold and gives us no grief but Smidge... Smidge is a whole different beast. He is so exhausting and draining. He doesn’t sleep. Hubby ends up downstairs with him on the sofa last night but that worries me so much because I get scared of cot death with him on the sofa. He also is such a clingy, demanding baby. He constantly wants to be on my and cries if I leave the room. He is also into everything so I have to watch him 24/7 to keep him safe. I feel like I’m letting him down because of the way he is but I just don’t know how to fix the whole sleep thing. We’ve literally tired everything so we are just stuck. This also makes me feel sad for Pickle. Do I spend enough time with him? Is he happy? Is the way Smidge is having an impact on him? I feel like I’m always berating myself for how I parent. I also put pressure on myself to have an immaculate house. It really stresses me if things are messy or haven’t been cleaned (not OCD standard though) so I always make time to stay on top of the house. I have gone back to work so I’m now out of the house for 3 whole days. When I was on maternity leave, those three days were my time to clean, do washing, do Blog work, film videos, write pitches, write blog posts, stay on top of social media... that time has now gone. I put pressure on myself when it comes to this blog and my social media presence. I feel like I am capable of so much more when it comes to the blog and I get so angry at myself that I’m not putting the time in anymore because I’m tried and not prioriting it. I question why I do it. My follower numbers are awful, my blogs neglected, the opportunities are few and far between and I don’t really have much to show for 4 years of work. But I love writing and I love sharing on social media and I love connecting to the people that do follow me so should I priorities it more? What should suffer so I have time to write? It’s like a whole big mess of stuff in my head that makes me worry and feeling nervous and just completely overwhelmed.

Going back to work has been so good for me. I went back part time almost a month ago now and it has helped me to get some routine back in my life and it’s helped me to find a bit of “me” again. I’ve been able to have adult conversations, use my brain and actually drink my coffee whilst it’s hot! I’m happy that I’ve gone back. BUT, it’s not been without its challenges. I think finding a new routine has been hard and even though we’ve done well with the practical routine, I think I need to now try and figure out a new “mental routine” (if that’s even a thing) to try to balance out everything. I’m trying at the moment but it doesn’t seem to be working. Maybe I will have to give something up to make space for everything? The only thing I’d be able to give up is this blog but I really don’t want to do that!
I’m honestly hoping that this is just a blip. I’m hoping that maybe I’m just feeling a bit hormonal and having a bit of a tough time at the moment and soon I’ll be okay again. That’s why I haven’t really spoken about it before. I suppose it’s a bit of embarrassment as no one like to admit they are struggling but it’s also a bit of hope from me that it will get better.
If you’ve felt like this before I’d love to know how you helped yourself. How did you manage life when things changed? Please either message me on my socials or leave a comment here as any advice is more than welcome ❤️

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