12.10.19

Settling down | Blog 

Hello??? It's me... (if you didn't read that in the style of Adele then who even are you?!)
There a few tumble weeds blowing through this blog as it’s been a while since I’ve actually written regularly on here. I’ve had a bit of a love/hate relationship with my blog recently as I’ve preferred to post on social media as it’s so much quicker and more convenient (see my last post all about that here) but then again, I’ve missed being able to let all the words tumble out of me and to catch them all on paper (or screen... you know what I mean!) So where have I been? Well life feels like it was shaken around a bit recently but it finally feel like everything has settled down, for now anyway!





Let’s go all the way back to the days where the sun was shining, the days were long, and you could walk around without have to take a coat or umbrella with you! Summer 2019 was wonderful. We spent so much time together as a family making memories that will stay with me forever. It was filled with laughter, happiness and joy. Towards the end of summer though, I started to get this little sense of foreboding. It was like there was an anxious little gremlin, all shriveled and scared that had started to burrow into my mind. Things were going to be changing and I’ve realised this year, more than ever, how much I don’t like change.

I’m not sure what it is but I like routine. I like to know what I’m doing, where I’m going and I like to set my self an expectation for what things will be like. I’ve always been like it and it’s a trait that has its pros and cons. When my routine is changed I’m usually okay. It takes me a couple of days to get into the swing of it but generally I cope okay. Well... not this time!!! I’m not sure who starting school was harder for, me or Pickle? Actually, yes I do know... it was so much harder for me! He took it all in his stride, loved going somewhere new and has coped amazingly. I found it all so difficult. I struggled to deal with the emotional side as my baby started school but I also struggled to find a new balance. I found myself feeling horrendously guilty if I went somewhere with Smidge because Pickle was at school and he was missing out, which I know is ridiculous. I found that I struggled to cope with keeping on top of the ironing that I now needed to do. I found that rather than just slotting into a new routine quite easily, it was unbelievable hard. For the first 4 weeks of Pickles school life it felt like I was just muddling through and not doing a very good job at anything! No matter how many lists I wrote or how many different things I tried, I just couldn’t find a new routine. It went on like this until about a week ago when I broke. I’d been trying to juggle everything on my own and I broke. I snapped at hubs over something which then resulted in us having a bit of a row which then led to me breaking down, having a good old sob and telling him everything that was going on in my head. It was only then, after sobbing and telling Hubby how I felt that I was able to see things with a clear view.

That weekend, on the Sunday, I had a day of doing nothing! Well, I say nothing... I spent the day organising, tidying, catching up with ironing and life! It was just what I needed. It meant the when Monday rolled around I wasn’t starting on the back foot. I was able to make sure dinners were prepped, lunches were made and clothes were ironed. Fast forward another week and I finally feel like I’ve got into a new routine. I’m getting everything done (with some much needed help from hubby) and I’m feeling good about it. I no longer feel like I’m trying to tread water, it feels like I’m swimming and I’m so pleased!!

So what the point of this post?? Well firstly to serve as a reminder for me that when things do get a bit hard that things do get better and sort themselves out. Secondly, and more importantly, I wanted to share for anyone else that struggle with change or new routines. I’ve found that things will get better and you WILL find a new routine!

Well...that's until your baby gets poorly and ends up in hospital and you spend 2 days being a human pillow and snot rag...but more about that another time :)

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