Maybe smug isn't the right word. Sometimes, I look at bubba and feel so proud of myself which is a feeling I don't get very often. I always feel proud of him but never really with myself. It's not just when I look at him during the everyday. It's not a case of me thinking ''Oh...look at me...I'm amazing and made a really handsome and wonderful little boy'' (although I do think he is amazingly handsome!) as it isn't about that. It's when I see some parst of his personality/behavior that have a real sense of self pride wash over me.
It may be easier if I explain a recent time when this happened. So, I dropped Bubba off at my Mum's as I do almost every morning when I am going to work. I take him in, take his coat and shoes off, have a little chat with my Mum and then give him a kiss goodbye. This particular day I gave Bubba a kiss and he said ''Bye'' whilst waving. He then blew me a couple of kisses, gave another quick wave and ran off to go and play with the other children (my mum is a childminder). In that moment I felt really proud of myself. I felt proud that my little boy was happy to go off and play. Yes I felt a little sad that he wasn't even the slightest bit worried that I was leaving but I would much rather him run off and play than be clinging onto my leg as I try to walk out the door.
I had the same feeling last night as I put him to bed. We did what we always do...he had his milk, we read a story and then we have a couple of minutes of wonderfully silly kisses where he gives me Eskimo kisses and then I give him kisses from Mummy and Daddy and Nanny and Grandad and from everyone that loves him...it's goes on for a while but he loves it. But last night, right at the end of our snuggle fest, he grabbed round the back of my neck with both hands and gave me a huge kiss and said ''Uv oo'' which I am taking as ''Love you'' seeing as I say it to him last thing before I put him down. This massive wave of pride came over me and I once again felt so proud of myself for raising such an affectionate little boy :)
Don't get me wrong, there are times where he is the opposite to this wonderful little boy who makes me swell with pride. There are times where he is like the devil child who is hell bent on causing mischief where ever he goes but for now I am happy to wallow in my self pride.
My little boy rocks :)
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