The day Mummy broke..

Bubba is almost 20 months old and people keep reminding me how he is edging ever closer to the ''terrible twos''. Well...if the tantrum he had today is what he is like before he hits the terrible two then I think I will have to stock up on wine as I don't know how I will cope. Today, Bubba had a tantrum that was so epic that he broke me.

It all started when we turned up to our normal Thursday singing group. Bubba normally loves going and singing along. He sees his little friend and we have a wonderful time. Not today though! As soon as I out his bag down he decided he was hungry (even though he had already had a bowl of cereal and a full banana only 1 hour earlier) so I gave him a box of raisins and thought everything would be fine. WRONG! Bubba ate about half of the raisins and then decided that actually he wanted something else from his snack bag. I wasn't prepared to mess around with all the different snacks and I actually felt like he shouldn't have really been eating in the room we was in anyway so I said no and offered him the raisins back. Hell then broke loose! 

What followed was then a half hour crying session where he was reaching for the bag or trying to pull me to the bag. About 5 mins in we moved the bag so he could no longer see it but it didn't make a difference. I offered him his water, the raisins, a cuddles and he didn't want any of it. This was a full on tantrum with tears, snot, dribble...the works. After about 20 mins or so of trying to get him to calm
down and join in with the group I decided I would take him out the room and walk around outside for a little bit so we could both get some air!

We stepped outside and he stopped crying. He was actually smiling and giggling so we went for a little walk along the path around the children center and it seemed like he was coming out of his red mist and things were getting better. That was until he decided he didn't want to walk on the path anymore. He decided that he wanted to walk on the flowers and in the bushes near the fence. I obviously wasn't going to let him do this as he was stepping on the flowers so I called him to come over and was ignored. I, of course, then had to go and get him and pick him up to put him back on the path and we were back in tantrum mode again! This time it was ramped up a gear. 

As I carried Bubba back to the children center he was kicking, slapping, hitting and doing everything he could to get away. I put him down as I thought it was because he wanted to walk back and what does he do? Of course...runs right back to the sodding flower beds again. So, I pick him up again and deiced that we are now going home as I am running out of ideas. We walk back into the children center and he is still kicking and slapping and I am having to hold him like a roll of carpet as I cant carry him another way. The poor ladies at the front desk looked at me so sympathetically as I said ''I'm just going back to get his stuff and then I am going home.''. One of the ladies told me to leave him with her whilst I went back to get the stuff as I think she could see how close I was to breaking so I put down my screaming, snot covered, red faced toddler and walked down the corridor and that's when it happened. That's when I broke.

As I walked back into the room I could feel tears stinging my eyes as I was questioning if what I was doing was right. Should I have just given in and given him the snack? Should I have tried harder to distract him? Should I have ignored him more and stopped going to see him ever 5 mins? Was I being judged by other around me? Did everyone else in that room think I was a bad mum because I was ignoring my tantrumming son? So many questions were whirling around my head...all I knew was that I couldn't cry and I just needed to get Bubbas bag and get us both home.

Once I had his bag and went back out to the reception he was, of course, no longer crying and was looking at a book with the lady. As soon as he saw me he started again so I, once again, felt awful and just needed to leave before I let the tear escape. As soon as Bubba was in the car, he was fine. He started singing and smiling and the tantrum stopped. It's been almost 5 hours since this huge melt down and he has been as good as gold which makes me feel even more like it was just a battle of wills to see how was going to break first. Even though I broke inside and was questioning every single move I was making, I know I did the right thing overall as Bubba didn't get his own way and hopefully he will know that in the future no mean no (well at least I can hope!). That's not to say that this whole thing wasn't hard! It was awful. Of course I don't like seeing my baby cry and I don't ever know if what I am doing is right but I suppose we just have to go with it and power through.

After a day like today, I will be glad when bedtime rolls round...although we will have to do it all again tomorrow :)


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