652 mornings | Blog

651 nights...
652 mornings...

651 goodnight kisses...
652 sleepy morning cuddles...

And people wonder why I was so sad about leaving my Bubba for the night.

I hadn't purposely not stayed away from Bubba but it had never really been an option. Actually, I'm lying, it was an option at one point and me and hubby were going to go to Bristol for his work Christmas doo but Bubba then got croupe and ended up in hospital the night before so no surprise that we didn't go away then. I hadn't stayed away because I didn't need to stay away and I was okay with that. Until it the morning of the 24th July 2016 came round. I was off, on my own to stay away from Bubba for the night.

I was packed, Hubby knew where everything was that he could need and I was ready. Well, I was physically ready but mentally I was no where near ready. All day long I had found myself unintentionally watching him. Seeing all of the little things he was doing and taking a mental note of them. Like the way he taps his fingers together when he is having a cuddle...the way he pokes his tongue out when he is colouring and the way that his eyes sparkle when he finds something funny. I as going away for 1 NIGHT for gods sake?!?!? Why was I acting like I was never going to see him again???

As I left the house, I got into the car and could feel hot tears prickling in my eyes. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to go back in and be there to put him to bed and cuddle him in the morning like I had done for the last 652 mornings.. But I couldn't. I needed to go. I needed to stay away for the night for my sake and for his sake. I kept remember what everyone around me had said:
'He'll be fine. He's with his Daddy.'
'As soon as your there you'll be fine and it will do you good to be you for a while''
''He probably won't even notice that your gone.''
All of the comments were right but that didn't stop me from wanting to run back indoors and scoop up my little bubba. But I didn't. I put the key in the ignition and set off to the station and that was that.

And it really wasn't that bad. I thought that I would be worrying about him and mopping around but thanks to the wonders of modern technology I was able to FaceTime with him before he had his bath and in the morning when he had woken up. It was wonderful and face timing let me see that he was completely fine and having a whale of a time without me. Damn that Hubby of mine being so cool and fun :)

So what I am trying to say is, if you haven't left your little one before then it's okay. I am not going to judge you and say you need to stay away for the night blah blah blah. But if you have the opportunity then don't let the fear hold you back. I have now broken my 652 morning cycle and its okay. Bubba doesn't love me any less and I have come back refreshed after finding a bit of Ami again rather than being Mumma.

You just do what you got to do :)

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