Marriage... | blog

I recently read this post by amazingly talented Absolutely Prabulous which is called 'The Anniversary Card I Never Thought I'd Write''. In this letter to her husband she very honestly and openly talks about what she loves about him but then adds the raw truth about some elements of their relationship in each point. I read this post at 5.30 am this morning whilst trying to get bubba to go back to sleep and it made me feel really sad. Don't get me wrong, I felt happy that she was able to write the post and glad that her husband and her were able to work on the flaws in their marriage from it but my overwhelming feeling was one of sadness. Sad that husbands and wife's grow apart over the years and become unrecognisable to each other...Sad that even though on the surface their marriage may look strong and happy, underneath is a different story... Sad that my marriage could become that one day.

wedding, bride, groom, husband, wife, wedding picture, wedding dress, beautiful, love, mymummyspam, my mummy spam,

I married my best friend in September 2012. It was the happiest day of my life but the years that have followed it have been the happiest years of my life. I didn't get married for the fancy venue, or the dress, or the honeymoon. I got married as I wanted to spend the rest of my life with hubby and wanted to stand in front of my family and friends and promise to love and care for him for the rest of my life. Then have a big old party to celebrate afterwards. Our wedding was perfect for us. It wasn't majorly expensive, there was no stress involved and we honestly had the most perfect day. The funniest about it is that a wedding really didn't do anything to us. Yes we had a great day and had an amazing time celebrating with our loved ones and went on a wonderful holiday afterwards but it didn't change who we were and how we were with each other. To me, all it really meant was that I had a different last name. Marriage, to me, was no different than being in a relationship. It is about commitment, communication, honesty and compromise. All the things we based our relationship around before our wedding and all the things we base our marriage on 4 years later.

my mummy spam, marriage, wedding, husband, wife, first kiss, love, wedding dress, suit, Yes, I have only been married 4 years and I know some of you out there will be thinking "well what does she know.. It's only been 4 years...give it 40 years and then tell me you feel the same". And your right.. I don't know how I will feel in 40 years or what would have happened in my life during that time. I know that over time people change as do their relationships but right now I can't imagine ever feeling any other way about hubby than what I do now. Yes, he has his flaws but we all do right? My hubby is so funny that he makes me laugh until my jaw hurts and I have tears rolling down my face. He is so kind and caring that he now does the ironing for me as I was moaning that I didn't have time for everything. He happily cooks dinners for us if I don't fancy doing it. He works so unbelievable hard to make sure we have everything we need. He is the best daddy to our son that I could ever ask for. He is so attentive and caring towards bubba and always wants to spend time with him. Hubby knows what I am think or feeling before I even tell him. He listens to my worries and fears and even if he doesn't understand, he will comfort me. He is the best life partner I could ever ask for.

wedding, mymummyspam, my mummy spam, marriage, wedding photos, church, bride, groom, love, married, In saying all this, he does have his flaws too. He is messy. Oh my god is he messy!! Leaves his shirts on the floor, empty toilet rolls on the side, glasses in the bedroom...the list could go on and on. He is unbelievable stubborn and this makes him a bit of a git to deal with sometimes. He sometimes can be snappy when he's tired and stressed and sometimes I will he could be a little more cuddly and spontaneously affectionate but do you know what... All of these things are okay too! I look past these things as no one is ever perfect and relationships are about compromise. I bet if I asked hubs to write a list of my flaws, it would be massive but I know and he knows that my list of pros is better than my list of cons. We choose to accept each others flaws as compromise for having a partner is so many wonderful qualities. Who knows if I will one day get tired of compromising or his the cons will out weigh the pros? But for now I can do it.

After writing all this I am struggling to find my point...

I suppose my point is that it scares me and makes me feel so sad that there may come a time in the future where we stop compromising and we stop feeling so happy in our marriage. No one deserves to be in an unhappy relationship because everyone deserves a life filled with as much happiness in it as possibly but then again, people shouldn't have to change who they are or who they have grown into to please others... Even their husband or wife. I suppose that all I can do is hope and wish that we continue to talk to each other and share our thoughts and feelings and continue to compromise as I think if this stops then all the other cogs that keep our relationship ticking may stop too. We never know what the future will hold so I will immerse myself in the here and now and worry about the future in the future.

"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue.  It's a choice you make- not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife"
Barbara De Angelis

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