The begining of the end? | Blog

Today I have been made to feel like rubbish. And yesterday I was made to feel like rubbish. As a matter of fact, feeling rubbish seems to be a bit of a trend at the moment and frankly I am sick of it.
The worst part of it is that it is all to do with numbers. Piddley, insignificant numbers.

22, 770, 94, 3695, 137, 2689, 421, 573.

All just silly numbers right? Well they don't feel too silly when you are being asked for them day in, day out as the majority of the time they decide whether you and your blog is deemed good enough for certain opportunities and/or the chance to work with certain people. This stress around numbers has left me asking myself if My Mummy Spam has run it course as my numbers just never seem to be good enough!

I first started blogging in April 2015. Blogging was something that I had wanted to dip my toe into for a long time but I never plucked up the courage to start writing. But then I lost my beloved Grandad and I decided that life was too short for me to be thinking about doing things so I started My Mummy Spam. I brought my domain, set up a Twitter and Facebook account and started writing. I didn't start writing for numbers or followers but because I wanted to. I wrote whatever I wanted and didn't have any pressure to write as no one seemed to really be reading. As time went on, more and more people started coming over to have a read of my blog and I started to build a little following of people that would read my blog posts and comment and chat. I also found my 'tribe'. A small group of wonderful mummy bloggers who have no become amazing friends. Writing my blog was fun, easy and was beginning to be something more than just the 'silly idea' that Hubby called it when I first started.

In about January of this year, things seemed to change a little. I started to get offers to write post for a fee. It was really exciting to think that people wanted me to write for them and more than that...they were willing to pay me! Granted it wasn't a huge amount of money but it was something and I was loving it!! The problem is, that after my inbox being full so often, I expected it to continue and when it didn't I was left wondering why. That is when it turned into a numbers game.

I was recently turned down for an opperunity because my blog was 'still growing' even though I know that the brand has worked with other bloggers of my size. I see opportunities all the time for different things that specify that you need a ceratin amount of followers or page views and I can't apply as I am not big enough. I find myself asking 'what is enough?'. Am I writing to reach a number or am I writing for me and for the people that do read my blog? Would I rather have 10 people who read my blog and care about it or 1000 people who just click on then click straight off again? I know for a fact that my blog has helped people. I have had friends and friends of friends thank me for writing about certain things because it has helped them in their lives and that is what I write for. I can look back through my old posts and read all the things that I was thinking about at that point. That is what else I write for. For me and for the people I care about. No one else.

From now on I am going to stop looking at my DA, tots score, page views etc (unless it's something super exciting and I have to) and focus on what I want to write about because I would much rather have a blog filled with wonderful memories and truthful, helpful posts rather than a blog full of reviews and sponsored content. I suppose that the money is nice but is it worth the pressure I put myself under and the stress I cause myself? No! It is most certainly not. I love my blog and I love writing so from now on I say F THE NUMBERS!! I'm just going to do what I do :)

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