Tears, croup and mummy guilt  |  Blog

This morning was horrendous. There is no other way to describe it and I couldn’t not write about it as it feels like it’s pressing down on me so much. I am 100 % sure that I’m not the only one that has been through this so I’m also helping it might help me feel a bit better if I find that I’m not on my own.

So... a few things you should know first (if you don’t already). Firstly, I am a part time working Mummy. I work 3 days a week at a (practically) 9-5 job and I love it. I love the people I work with and the work I do and I seriously HATE calling in sick. I work in a job where every “body” counts and I know first hand the impact it has when someone isn’t it...it’s not good. Secondly, Pickle has always been prone to croup. He had it for the first time when he was just over a year old and he ended up in hospital with it. He’s then had it a couple of times since then and it’s always been pretty nasty and knocks him for six. I reackon you can see where this post is heading...

On Saturday night Pickle started to cough like a seal and we knew what was coming. That night his temperature peaked at 40.2 and hubby and I ended up tag teaming sleeping with Pickle that night as we were so worried. The next day we took him to the out of hours GP who confirmed what we already knew and prescribed Pickle 3 days of steroids to help open his airways. The past couple of days he hasn’t really changed. Hubby stayed with him yesterday and I was really hoping he’d be better by today as I was REALLY needed it work and hubby was going away for work for 2 days...of course, Pickle had an awful night last night and woke up this morning in the same croupey, snotty, snuggly mess he’d been in for the past few days. I was then faced with a bitch of a situation.

I had two options...

1. Go to work, send Pickle to my Mums where he would have to walk to school, be with other children and would have to generally get on with it.

2. Not go to work and keep Pickle at home. I’d be leaving my colleagues in the poop, they wouldn’t be able to have a proper lunch break and I’d feel awful for dropping them in it.
For some I know this is an easy decision. They’d stay at home but it wasn’t that easy for me. I didn’t know if maybe Pickle would perk up once he was with his friends... would he be okay? I knew that work wouldn’t be okay. Yes they may eventually find someone to help but I was literally leaving them up the creak without a paddle. Then it happened... Pickle threw up and then started to cry...
“Need mummy cuddle... I need mummy...belly hurt...mummy cuddle me”

The tears then came. Not just from Pickle but from me! I burst into tears. How could I leave my poorly baby when all he wants is me to feel better? I couldn’t do it so I had to bite the bullet and call work. They were lovely and supportive as they always are but I still felt awful for dropping them in it but I knew I had no choice. I had to stay with Pickle. It wouldn’t be fair for me to send him to my mums. It wouldn’t be fair on him, her or the other children she looks after.

After a bit of a sobbing session from me whilst snuggling Pickle I’ve pulled on my big girl pants and have got on with it now. Ultimately it is what it is and I know I’ve done the right thing but bloody Nora it was hard. Working Mum guilt (and croup) is a bitch!!!!!!!

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