What is a Mum? | Mothers Day

Motherhood is hard. There is no denying it. Yes, it is the most rewarding thing that I think I will ever do but it is also the hardest. I don't think that anyone every realises how hard it actually is until they become a mother themselves. I remember being a child and looking at my Mum and just seeing her as my Mum. I didn't see the struggles she went through, the sleepless nights and the worry over the smallest little things that she must have been through to make her into the Mum that I saw. To me my Mum has always been the natural, infallible Mother that I see but it is only since becoming a mother myself that I have realised that she has learnt to be a Mum just like I have.

This got me thinking about what type of a Mother I see myself as and how I see my Mum. I see my Mum as strong, knowledgeable, fearless and caring where as I can see myself as tentative, worried and still in my early days of learning how to be a mother. This then lead to me wondering what my Mum thinks of herself as a Mother. Does she have the same doubts as me? Has she been through the same worries and trials? Here is what she had to say when I asked her what she thought of herself as a mother:

'Reflecting on being a mum for 28 (almost 29) years, I think how I have parented was moulded be my own childhood. Growing up I didn't lack material things but I lack happy moments. This has meant that my memories of childhood aren't one's that I like to recall. 

This has made me possibly overindulge my own 3 children as I want them to have the childhood I didn't although over the years my parenting has changed. Ami was an only child for 8 years so I tried to give her everything I could, sometimes it was hard but I always tried my best. Then along came her brothers, and with that there came big changes. I suddenly had 2 other little ones that needed a lot of my time which meant that I didn't always spend quality time with her that I wish I could have. Financially things changed over the years too so she couldn't always have what she wanted although we tried our best. As Ami got older I became a stricter parent and she couldn't always have friends round, go out etc as I had the two boys to think of too. Having to split my time between 2 young children and an almost teenager was tough. Overtime this did cause a rift between us and during Ami's teenage years we grew apart, although once she left home things changed. The space ironically brought us closer together and now she is a parent herself we are closer than ever. With the boys I was a more relaxed parent, sometimes even too overindulgent but I think this was not only because they were boys but also because I had learnt from my previous mistakes. Now my 3 children are grown up and leading their own lives but I always try to do whatever I can for them and I  this will always be what I do.

I'd like to think over the years I have been a good mum and given my children a happy childhood and wonderful memories. I like to think I have done the best I can, although sometimes even now, they may say or do things without thought that leave me feeling like a totally rubbish mum and like I have failed them.  But, as always, they are my children so I will always move past that.

When my little babies have been placed in my arms over the years, I felt that unexplainable rush of love and protection that everyone always talks about but motherhood doesn't come with an instruction book so have just done my best and I hope my best has been good enough.

Reflecting on 28 years of mummying and writing this has made me a little emotional too.'
Reading this filled me with different emotions. Sadness that there must be times where I have made my Mum feel like anything less than the amazing mother she is. Happiness that my mum feels that she has been a good mum because she has been and continues to be. And a strange sense of an emotion that I can’t even really pin point when my mum recognised she was a strict parent with me at points. What amazes me though is that I don’t think my Mum realises just how much I appreciate everything that she did. From being strict to not always giving in... it’s been her actions, no matter how hard they may have been for her and me at the time, that have moulded me into the person and the mother I am today. It’s because of her that I look back on my childhood and am able to see how much she gave, how much she sacrificed and how much she loved. It’s because of her that I parent the way that I do and I strive to give my son the same happy memories and life she gave me. 

So what is a Mum? My mums idea of what type of mother she has been is so different to the type of mother I see her to be. I see her as strong, caring, flawless, amazing and selfless and she will never understand just how grateful I am for everything she does for me and my family. 

Happy Mother’s Day Mum. 

I love and appreciate you more than you will ever know xxxxxxx

No comments:

Post a Comment