2018... a year of extremes  |  Blog

2018... what a year it has been. It’s been one filled with the highest of high and the lowest of lows and one that I am leaving with mixed feelings. 

The first half of 2018 was pretty good. Despite receiving poor antenatal care and being without a midwife for a large chunk of my pregnancy, my pregnancy was enjoyable and went relatively smoothly. I had my eyes opened to the amazing world of hypnobirthing and even managed to get approved for the home birth that we had decided to go for. During my pregnancy we managed to do lots as a family of 3 and I am so pleased I have those memories of Pickle before he became a brother. We went to butlins, watched my best friend get married, took Pickle to Peppa Pig world and had a couple of trips into London. January to May was pretty awesome. 

June rolled around and on the 7th something didn’t feel right. I’d felt uncomfortable all day and in hindsight my body knew what was about to happen. On the 8th June 2018 at 7.11pm our world changed forever and our new baby boy was born. His birth was the polar opposite to Pickles. It was so empowering and uplifting and an experience that I will never forget. The first three months of Smidge’s life were amazing. They didn’t come without their challenges but overall it was blissful. He was such a contented baby, Pickle fitted into the role of brother perfectly and life was wonderful for those 3 months. At the end of September we headed to Disneyland Paris for our first holiday as a family of 4. It was at the end of that holiday that I felt things changed. 

At the end of our holiday I posted something in a closed blogger Facebook group. Someone in that group shared my post outside of the group and to cut a long story short I was threatened with a defamation of character case. It knocked me side ways. I hadn’t meant to cause any upset or hurt and was only asking for advice but as with most things on the internet it was blown out of all proportion. The stress effected me more than I’d ever imagined stress would. My milk dried up meaning that I stopped Combi feeding, this in turn lead to a huge amount of mum guilt on my part which in turn added to a huge amount of anxiety. I thought things would get better over time but they didn’t. Smidge went from being a contented, happy baby to a screaming, non sleeping demon and I didn’t know how to manage it. Life became a huge struggle and October to December has been a bit of a blur if I’m being honest. I have good days and bad days but I’m hoping the new year will bring some new strength so I can find myself again and get back to who I was before September. 

The last 3 months of this year may have been the hardest I’ve ever experience but there have been moments of happiness. Pickle started preschool and took to it like a duck to water! I am so proud of how this little boy has coped with the huge changes that have happened in his little life this year. He is the best big brother and I am so so proud of him. Seeing the relationship grow between my two boys has been one of the most wonderful things. They both love each other an unreal amount! We also were lucky enough to go on two holidays this year, one fo butlins and one to Disneyland and both have us the opportunity to make some like long memories. 

2019 has also been a huge game changer when it came to my blog. I was a Finalist in the blogging in Brilliance awards?!?! That still blows my mind! I was given the opportunity to work long term with two amazing brands amongst other crazy opportunities and I am so grateful! The success of my blog this year would have happened without you, the people reading, sharing and commenting so thank you so much! 

I think the word for this year would have to be extremes. It’s been a year of extreme happiness what with Smidge being born but also a year of extreme emotions as I’ve struggled with my mental health for the first time. As much as I am pleased to say goodbye to this year, I am grateful for what it has given me. My beautiful baby boy and some serious life experience. 

So for now I wish you all a very happy new year. Be safe and enjoy the time with your families. Here’s to an exciting new year and I hope you’ll stick around with me to see how it goes :)

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