6.2.19

Dear Trolls...Why? | Blog

Dear Troll,

Have you ever wondered why trolls are called trolls? I'm not talking about why they called Princess Poppy and her glitter pals trolls in that ever so annoying good film...I'm talking about internet trolls. I guess one of the reasons you are called a troll is because of the image is conjures up. Grey skinned, hunched over, sadistic little creature snarling and muttering to themselves as they angrily bash away at their keyboard over something that has filed them with rage or opinions. But that isn't you is it? You are a person. A normal person who, if I walked past you in the street, wouldn't say a word. Hell, you may even give a friendly nod or a smile. You don't sit in a dark room at your computer angrily cursing the world as you spill your hateful words out onto the screen. You sit in your lounge or at the table whilst having dinner and post your comments without a second thought. Hateful, painful, mean, hurtful words but to you they are only words right? It doesn't matter to you what you are writing and where you are writing it because the person you are writing about probably won't even bother reading. And if they do, so what? You don't know them and will probably never seem them in real life so whats the problem?

The problem is that words do hurt. You know that old phrase 'stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me'? Well, I can tell you from experience that it is BULL! Words hurt. Words leave just as many scars as sticks and stones do even though you can't see them. I have been at the receiving end of the comments that you leave numerous times and even though I always try to let them wash over me...they still hurt.

'Looks like being with Ami has caused her poor husband to pack on the pounds and become as large as she is' - a comment on a photo of Hubby and I.

'She doesn't deserve to be a mother! Exploiting her poor kids like this on social media. You should be ashamed!' - on a Facebook post talking about my family

'If your dress were any shorter as well as showing your boobs we'd see where the baby came from too' - a comment on a picture of me breastfeeding in the height of summer in a jump suit.

'Pop down your local job center, arrange a bit of childcare and get yourself a way to earn a living instead of spouting lefty feminist garbage' - in response to a breastfeeding post

'Fat, ugly, skank. Loose some weight' - a photo of me on Instagram

'How she ever got a husband I don't know? I'm guessing she fell pregnant to trap him in the relationship' - a blog post of mine about my husband

'Attention seeking bitch. Get a real job and stop trying to become famous on the internet' - a post on social media about mental health.

Words like this hurt more than I can explain. One part of my head says to just ignore all of this because the people who wrote this don't know me. They have never met me, they don't know anything about me and they don't have a right to make judgement on me or my loved ones like that. The other part of me though, the insecure, bullied at school and damaged part of me believes the words. I am fat, I am ugly, I should stop blogging, I should stop being present on social media...I am a waste. That part of me that believe these words agrees with you trolls. When that voice is winning over the ration and sensible part of my head it is so loud that it drowns out everything else. It screams over my loved ones telling me to ignore it. It drowns out my fellow bloggers giving me support and trying to reassure me. It deafens me as my husband tells me how wonderful I am and as my children surround me. Your words become my feelings about myself. Just for a moment I believe everything you say to me and it hurts more than you will ever know. I feel worthless, embarrassed, paranoid and anxious. Your off the wall comment that you didn't even think I would read has done that. You have done that!

That is until I manage to pull myself together. I start to listen to those around me how know me and how love and care for me. I remember that you don't know me and I also remember that I don't know you. Your words are just words. Yes they may be hateful and hurtful but they are just words and comments that are full of lies and spite. Why should I let you and your troll like ways have an impact on me? Am I happy in my life? Am I surrounded by wonderful people? Do I have a loving family that support everything I do? YES. Yes I do and that is why I don't need to listen to your rubbish. That's why I will continue to block, delete and ignore every hurtful thing you say. You won't get the reaction or the attention from me that you so obviously crave because you are so unhappy in your own life.

So, Troll, the next time you think about writing something that is unnecessary, mean or nasty online be it for a joke or just 'because' then I urge you to stop. Stop what you are doing and don't send that comment. Instead reach out to a friend. Send a text to someone in your family to ask how they are. Think for just one minute about the impact your words could have. Would you have someone talking to your Mum or sister in the way you do to me? Would you say those hurtful things to my face if you saw me? Just stop for one second and put your energy into something positive. Get the attention you crave in a different way. Start a blog yourself and if you don't agree with something, articulate yourself properly and write a post. Don't let throw away comments on a picture or an article.

Please. Just think.




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