I’m not ready!  |  Blog 

I always knew that 2019 was going to be a huge year for us. Hubby and I turning 30, Smidge turning 1, Pickle starting school. I knew it was all coming but now that it’s hear I am I am NOT ready! I mean I’m ready in the physical sense. Birthday cards are written, parties planned, school chosen...but emotionally I am not ready for what’s coming in the next few months.

Smidge turning 1 blows my mind! I do not understand where the last year has gone. I look at my smallest boy and can see he’s no longer by baby. He’s trying to walk and talk, has a personality, knows his own mind and is learning a new skill every single day. Long gone are the days where he’d snuggle into my or fall asleep whilst breastfeeding. Now he spends his time climbing, getting into mischief and trying to terrorise poor Maisie dog! I know that his first birthday shouldn’t make me feel sad. I should be proud of what he is growing into and how far he has come. From being this 4 week early, teeny tiny dot he is now an amazing toddler but I just can’t help but feel like I’m not ready for my final baby to not be a baby any longer.

What’s even worse than Smidge turning 1 is the thought of Pickle starting school in September. He is so ready to start school and I know he’ll love it but I’m just not ready! The thought of seeing him in his school uniform makes me want to weap!!! I feel like I’m loosing my little partner in crime and I hate it! He’s going to be gone 5 days a week and after almost 5 years of getting to spend at least 4 days a week with him I’m going to miss him so much! I know that he is going to be so happy at his school and that I should be excited because this is a brand new chapter of his life but I can’t help but feel so sad.

Someone mentioned to me the other day that when you are a child the days seem so long. It feel like your life lasts for ages and waiting for things take an age. When you’re an adult it’s the reverse. Everything happens so quick and it honestly feel like time is speeding away at an alarming pace! I may not be ready for the next couple of months and the new adventure and journey that it will hold but I know that I have no choice but to ride the wave and try to enjoy every moment of it, even if I will sob like a baby once I’ve left Pickle at school for the first time!!

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