12.1.20

Helping Yourself Happy | Blog


I want to start this post by saying that I know that mental health is a very real thing. It can be crippling, debilitating, painful and difficult to recover from. This post is about ways that you can help yourself to feel happy and positive but if you feel like you are struggling and need help then please get in touch with any of the following who can offer support and guidance no matter how bleak things may seem:
MIND: 0300 1233393 https://www.mind.org.uk/
Samaritans: 116 123  https://www.samaritans.org/
Family Lives: 0808 8002222 https://www.familylives.org.uk/

If you’ve read my blog for a while, then you will know that a few months after Smidge was born in 2018 I found myself it a bad place. Mentally I didn’t feel right and I was sad, anxious and negative. I spoke to Doctors who gave me offers of tablets and support, but I made the choice that before I went down that path I was going to try to help myself first and thankfully I was able to help myself happy again. I wasn’t sure whether or not to share this post as I didn’t want to belittle mental health problems but I think it’s important to share what I did to help myself whilst I was still able to before I got to a point where I needed medical help, in the hope that it may help some of you out there. After reading this post, if you want to ask me any questions or feel there is anything I haven’t covered then please message me, email me or comment and I will reply.


The first thing that comes with being happy is realising that you are unhappy. It’s so hard to make changes until you understand and see that there is a problem. With me, I always think I hide the true way I am feeling really well and when I have hit low points it has either been my husband or my Mum who have seen it before me. It’s only when they point it out to me that I know things have got bad. Recognising that you are unhappy is the first step to being able to be happy again.
Once you see that you are unhappy then the next thing that you need to do is to understand the reason why. It may be one thing; it may be many things. It may be small things; it may be huge things. It doesn’t matter what it is that is making you unhappy, what is important is knowing what it is. It’s only once you know what the issues are that you can start to fix them and take steps to change. I realised that my problem was overthinking and worrying about things, things that I couldn’t change and things that I really didn’t need to worry about. It didn’t matter how many times Hubby told me not to worry or not to be silly, I would still feel worried and anxious. I also had people in my life that were adding unnecessary stress and I was putting pressure on myself to please others.

The next thing I did was looked for ways to help myself feel more in control of my thoughts and my emotions, as well as learning to let things goes. Something that was recommended to me by a friend was an app called ‘Head Space’ which is a meditation app and when I first downloaded it I was sceptical. The thought of meditating made me feel a bit ‘hippy’ and I worried that I was going to look stupid or would have to sit funny and hum, but I couldn’t have been more wrong! The app can help with so many different things. It has meditation programmes for anxiety, sleeping, general life and so much more. I love it and I would seriously recommend it to everyone. You don’t have to sit crossed legged and hum or do anything special. All you need is 5 minutes somewhere quite where you can focus and let your mind go.



In February last year when I was probably at my lowest, a friend gave me a wonderful gift that I will be forever grateful for. She gave me a box full of different crystals and she put each one into a little organza bag and attached a description of what each crystal was supposed to help with. She gave me crystals like moonstone that supports you during your menstrual cycle as well as crystals that helped with anxiety, negative energy and all other sorts of things. I started to do some research of my own and found a few people on Instagram who talked about crystals and their properties and I was hooked. To this day, I always have a crystal of some sort in my bra. I have a few favourites, but I pick them depending on how I am feeling that day and what I think I might need some support with. Is it a placebo? As they just a pebble that I’m shoving into my bra? Maybe, but they help me, and I feel like they do something for me and surely that the whole point right?

Once I’d started to make small, easy steps (like the above) to start feeling happy, I was able to make the harder choices and do the things that I needed to do to really be happy, as hard as I knew they were going to be. I knew that I needed to make changes to the people I had around. Marie Kondo says that when you tidy and declutter your house you should hold something as see if it sparks joy within you. I decided to think about the people around me in that same way. The person who I was worried about offending because I hadn’t text them back yet, did they bring me joy? The people who had upset me, but I still thought I should be apologising, do they bring me joy? As hard as it was, I had to cut the people who didn’t bring joy into my life. It took a while to get used to but now I know I am surround by people that love me and that I love too and that has made me happier than having millions of friends.



So that was how I helped myself happy. I focused on a few things that made a huge difference to my life. Once I had started to feel happier, other things fell into place. I wanted to exercise more, socialise and see friends and look after myself with baths, reading and other things I enjoy. Helping myself happy wasn’t easy but I did it and now almost a year on, I am able to look back and see just how far I have come.

I hope this helps anyone out there who might be looking for ways to feel happier and as always if you have any questions then please feel free to ask.

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