14.2.21

Never-ending story... | Blog

Do you ever feel like you are stuck on loop? 

Ever feel like it ground hog day every single day? 

Do you remember what life used to be like before?

It's been 328 days since the UK entered lockdown. 328 exceptionally long days. Remember what life was like before March 2020? Going out with friends, meeting up at toddler groups, going out for dinner with your loved ones, celebrating birthdays with family, the excitement of a holiday looming, days out with the kids... each and everything felt so normal when we used to do it but now that we aren't allowed and haven't been able to for almost a year it makes my heart hurt. I'm angry at myself for taking things for granted so many. I'm so annoyed that I'd didn’t appreciate every single coffee that me and my friends had at the cold church hall toddler group whilst our kiddies played. I'm so sad that I didn't take more photos when my boys were with my Nan and their little friends as they haven't been able to see them for months on end now. Looking back, I wish I would have been more present and recognised how lucky I was to be able to do all of those things. 

Now, almost a year since things went belly up, I'm tired. I'm tired of worrying constantly about someone I love getting it. I'm tired of the heart ache that comes when someone I know loses a loved one. I'm tired of feeling pessimistic and not having anything to look forward to because what’s the point in planning or booking anything when we don't know when we are getting out of this thing. Trips away and days out with friends and family have always been my little glimmer of light when life feels monotonous and now, we can't even look forward to anything I can't help but feel like we are stuck in a never-ending loop. This is why I haven’t really written on here in the last 12 months because what is there to say? The posts would be incredibly boring! 'Hello...today I cleaned the house again for the 14th time this week and I split up 4 fights between the boys again and I even found time for a little cry whilst I chugged down my cold coffee and scoffed a KitKat in the bathroom'. Not exactly riveting reading! 

Yes, we have a vaccine and yes, it is making a difference but with each day that passes and with each vaccination that is given it feels like there is another strain or another variant that comes along to throw yet another spanner in the works! And the vaccine takes a while to have an impact. Just because people are having their jab doesn't mean that life is going to go back to normal anytime soon. This is going to take time and I find it so hard to look forward to a time where this virus won't have an impact in our lives. 

Pessimistic...yes. Negative...yes. Should I be pulling up my big girl pants and stopping being such a Debbie downer? ABSOLUTLY! But do you know what? I can't be the only one feeling like this. I know for a fact that everyone is missing normality. We all miss our family and friends and holidays and days out. Sometimes you might feel hopeful and like the end of this part of history is coming. Sometimes you might feel hopeless and like you're stuck in a never-ending loop of monotony. It's okay Your feelings are valid. My feelings are valid. We are all allowed to have bad days and talking about it just makes those days a little brighter.  

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